Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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