I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
