I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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