Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
