he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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