You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
