Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
