Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Everything about him screamed your future.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
