she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
