allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
