dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
