Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
