the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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