you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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