Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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