i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Randomize
