Where did you get a picture of my penis
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
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