hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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