so explain again why im purple
no
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
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I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
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A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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