At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
