Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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