whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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