Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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