If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Randomize
