Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
