i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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