Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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