Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
