awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
