I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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