This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
