very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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