Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
