pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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