Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
