I'm really into asian looking animals
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
