toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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