winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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