Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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