Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
