Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
