He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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