ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
