it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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