we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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