just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
