cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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