i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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