these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i will never coherently bang her
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
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I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
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Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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