When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
