if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
