I can't breathe out the right side of my face
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
