i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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