all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
