I will die if light touches me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize