Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
