What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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