mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
