Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
