So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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