she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
