It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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