Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
