I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
