went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
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Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I smell like Dick and happiness
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