You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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