I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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